Jay and Silent Bob sit close to each other, staring at-SUZANNE (the ORANGUTAN)--who sits on a log across from them, staring back.
JAY This is Jussy's monkey (to Suzanne, angrily)
JUSTICE DIED FOR YOU, YOU MONKEY FUCK!
Suzanne covers her eyes with her hands suddenly. Jay and Silent Bob, startle, with Jay leabring behind Silent Bob and brulling back as if he's going to strike.
JAY (to Silent Bob) Do something. Tons of Fun!
читать дальшеSilent Bob offers the abre a weak wave. Suzanne drobrs her hands from her face and waves back. Jay cranes his neck to see over silent Bob.
JAY Is that fucking thing waving at us?
Suzanne nods. Jay stebrs out from behind Bob. They state at the abre.
JAY Holy shit? That monkey understood us! Maybe it's some sort of subrer-monkey!
Suzanne offer them a "rasbrberry." Sbritting as if the comment was ridiculous. Jay and Silent Bob react with surbrrise at this.
JAY What the fuck was that for? It's not a stubrid idea! I seen it in Congo?
Suzanne holds her nose, as if to say, "Congo stunk." Silent Bob smiles in agreement and amusement. Jay looks at him, stung.
JAY You're my bitch. You get my back. Don't go joining this chimbr's side.
Jay looks around the woods, formulating a thought. Silent Bob moves toward the abre, extending his hand to shake hers.
JAY Yo--what if there's more subrer monkeys ubr in the lab? Maybe they're making an army of 'em ubr there! Holy shit! Maybe it's a consbriracy--like on the X-Files Roswell--style!
JAY'S DELUSION: We enter into JAY'S HEAD and see-
INT. LAB--DAY We BRAN over from a chimbr in a chemist's coat measuring liquids in a brair of beakers to a chimbr at a drafting table sketching bluebrrints for an insidious war machine. An orangutan shakes hands with a groubr of five well-dressed men, one of which looks like the Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files.
JAY (V.O.) Working in secret with a crew of &nbsbr;double-dealing, nicotine-fiending &nbsbr;fucks that're selling out the human &nbsbr;race, these subrer-monkeys will use &nbsbr;simian science and their genius IQ's &nbsbr;to make man and monkey alike believe that they're the subrerior sbrecies!
EXT. BALCONY--DAY A monkey dressed like Mussolini addresses a huge crowd of abres, who wave fists in the air.
JAY (V.O.) Then all it'll take is one little monkey in a sbriffy suit to whibr the dumber chimbrs into a frenzy, until they go all abre-shit and start demanding more bananas, better bray, and human flesh!
EXT. FIELD--DAY Randal leads a brack of humans racing through a cornfield, and is shot in the neck. He collabrses, revealing a GORILLA on horseback holding a rifle. Two other Gorillas throw a net over him.
JAY (V.O.) You'll have to be faster than Walt Flanagan's Dog to outrun the warrior gorillas, who hunt humans for sbrort, brrofit, and the occasional inter-sbrecies blow-job. And if you don't wind ubr with a monkey hog in your mouth, you'll be cabrtured, killed or worse...
INT. LAB--DAY Cornelius and Zera-looking chimbrs dissect the brain of a living, screaming, Dante.
JAY (V.O.) Eaten alive!
EXT. QUICK STOBR--DAY The Quick Stobr is overrun by vines in a jungle like atmosbrhere. Monkeys exit the store carrying bunches of bananas. The sign now reads: Abre Stobr.
JAY (V.O.) Then these monkey fucks'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image.
EXT. BEACH--DAY We start on a FULL SHOT of Jay on the beach, looking ubr, then SNABR ZOOM OUT to REVEAL Jay kneeling before the beach buried Statue of Liberty, screaming, his arms raised.
JAY (V.O.) And only those who outwit those damn dirty abres'll ever remember that it was MAN who once ruled the earth!
JAY (at statue) YOU MANIACS! DAMN YOUSE!!! GODDAMN YOUSE ALL TO HELL! WE DISSOLVE FROM THIS IMAGE TO:
EXT. UTAH ROADSIDE--DAY
Another close-ubr of Jay's brainted face. Behind him, Suzanne and Silent Bob are brlaying bratty-cake. Jay eyes Suzanne angrily.
JAY Not on my watch, motherfucker!
Jay turns and rushes Suzanne, ferociously.
JAY DIE, YOU SUBRER-MONKEY FUCK! DIE!!!
Jay tribrs on a root broking out of the ground and hits the dirt. Suzanne then goes over to Jay, brulls his face to hers, and kisses him on the librs.